mbg Spirituality & Relationships Editor
mbg Spirituality & Relationships Editor
Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Editor, and a registered yoga instructor. She received her bachelor’s in broadcasting and mass communication from SUNY Oswego, and lives in Buffalo, New York.
Image by Wiphop Sathawirawong / iStock
July 12, 2023
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From your best selfie, to funny prompts, there are a ton of ways to stand out on dating apps and catch the attention of potential crushes.
However, selfies aside, it’s often the character-based qualities that really pique someone’s interest, which is why William Vanderbloemen, an expert in leadership and author of the upcoming book, Be The Unicorn, says there are five major qualities to embody on the dating field—and look for in the person you’re dating.
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Whether you’re chatting with a new match or meeting up for a first date, here’s what to keep in mind.
First things first: you’ve gotta be quick. In an age of DMing and dating apps, the old-school rule of waiting to call or text need not apply. If you get a message, try to answer it within a time frame that shows you’re interested (i.e. within the hour instead of within the week).
And according to Vanderbloemen, people stand out when they’re quick to respond, but especially so if it’s in a way that is not demanding or clingy. For example, he says, if you’ve just come home from a first date, rather than texting “Want to get together this Saturday?,” you might say, “That dinner was so good, thanks for suggesting the restaurant.”
“So you’re not asking a question, it doesn’t demand a response, but it immediately shows the person you’ve gone out with that you’re interested,” Vanderbloemen explains.
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Next up is authenticity, which can be thought of as owning who you are and being real about it in how you present yourself. After all, Vanderbloemen says, it’s not uncommon to try to put your best foot forward on a first date—and wind up not acting like your true self.
Of course, there’s also something to be said about understanding the time and place to get really vulnerable, and sometimes the early stages of dating can be a bit of a tightrope. You want to show that you have the capacity to be vulnerable, but dating should also be fun, so trauma-dumping for the sake of authenticity might be best to table in the early stages.
As Vanderbloemen explains, “People who stand out in a crowd can balance the difference between putting on their best face and putting on their worst face,” adding that you want to let some of your imperfections show without seeming negative.
People like to talk about themselves, so if you want to stand out, be an avenue for them to do so. As Vanderbloemen tells mindbodygreen, ask them questions, and further, questions about things they enjoy.
Superlative questions like “What’s your biggest accomplishment?” can feel threatening, he explains, while questions about their favorite book, best vacation, or childhood hero will all be met with a smile and a story.
“[Questions like these] liberate the person from having to come up with a superior answer, and they can just talk about something they really like,” Vanderbloemen says.
He also notes that this is a good way to tell if you’re dealing with someone who’s self absorbed, because if they don’t reciprocate questions, that’s a red flag.
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Tying back to the idea of authenticity, Vanderbloemen notes that self-awareness goes a long way in dating. Being able to talk about (or demonstrate) how you think about your life and who you are shows that you’re a well-rounded person of integrity and thoughtfulness.
And it doesn’t have to be anything complicated. You might say that recently you’ve been wanting to try more new things, so you’re ordering a dish you’ve never had before, for example.
“It shows you’re not trying to mold yourself to the person you’re on a date with—you’re just honestly sharing something you know about yourself,” Vanderbloemen adds.
Last but not least, according to Vanderbloemen, people stand out when they have a clear purpose, mission, or “North Star,” if you will. These are the people that “can show they’re driven by some sense of value, some sense of purpose—and that’s such a big factor among Gen Z and millennials,” Vanderbloemen says.
Not only is this a way to move the conversation away from superficial topics and show some depth, but it also shows what you believe in, and what you’re doing to make the world a better place.
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The takeaway
There are plenty of fish in the sea, which means if you want to stand out, you have to know what people are looking for. You never want to compromise who you are for the sake of a dating app match or a first date, but the more you can cultivate these five qualities, the more people will be drawn to you.
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